RUTHLESS RANTING

2010-03-31T05:34:00.000-07:00

Went back for a nostalgic puff of the crack pipe of John Devore... This shit makes no sense. He's still at it! What is this?

2010-03-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

The Promised World: A Christmas reflection on custies, the year 2009, and fun

2009-12-25T00:13:00.000-08:00

A recent public radio segment invited listeners to weigh in with their views on the changes the past decade has brought. The discussion shifted from 9/11 to Barack Obama to Facebook, but it wasn’t until a caller named Chris from Massachusetts decided to offer his perspective that I perked up. Chris explained that he had entered high school at the beginning of the double-zeros, worked hard, and

New Favorite Website

2009-08-16T10:33:00.000-07:00

Jon Stewart recently featured this amazing site on The Daily Show, and I can’t help but to pass it along. I swear it is not a joke. My favorite part is the “Setting the Record Straight” section – make sure to check out the wealth of information it has to offer. Also, if anyone has an in with this fine group of people or any other ideas on how to become a member, I’m all ears

My Prescription for America

2009-08-16T10:30:00.000-07:00

MoriahLike so many barbarian hordes sweeping across the plains of central Asia, the healthcare debate has swept the nation with a surprisingly vicious force. As usual, we at Ruthless Ranting have many things to say on the subject, but I’m sure you’ve heard enough from every media outlet, not to mention every random-ass kraut-lite that has decided to weigh in with their

A Severe Case of Not-So-Straight Love

2009-08-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

A faithful reader needed our help, and we were only too happy to comply. Send us your questions, we have many nuggets of wisdom to give.Dear Ruthless Ranters,I am having an issue with straight love. I’ve just moved to Arlington, VA; business casual attire capital of the world, ground zero for the Happy Hour, and homeland of the kraut preferred, mother approved, binary gender expression. This is

John DeVore Quote of the Moment

2009-08-08T10:21:00.000-07:00

"Unfortunately, I know what it’s like to smoke the crack pipe of infidelity. It’s all secret meetings, whispered promises, stolen moments, and forbidden sex in the backseats of cars, in stairwells with hands covering mouths, fumbling with belt buckles, lifting skirts."

The Russian Strategy

2009-07-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

Rodney Johnson is our newest ruthless ranter. Are his rantings conspiracy theories or cold hard truth? You decide. This week he weighs in on Russia. Be afraid.Rodney JohnsonA lot can be said about Russians. They are certainly a ruthless, cutthroat people. They have little respect for all things non-Russian, although they do apparently like capitalism as much as the next asshole looking out for

John DeVore Quote of the Moment

2009-07-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

"I remember telling one college girlfriend that we should “double bag” it before sex. Which meant wearing two condoms at once."

Stuff Str8 Gurlz Like #1: Feelings

2009-07-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

Moriah Str8 gurlz love anything to do with feelings: they love having them, expressing them, and talking about them, and they want you to do the same. Simply having an emotion is enough for a str8 gurl, that feeling must be very intense and expressed in an equally intense manner excessive to satisfy her. Personally, if I ever catch myself having a feeling, I make sure not

John DeVore Quote of the Moment

2009-07-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

"Much like mouth love, I am not particularly fond of, um, 'non-traditional penetrative sex.' "

On Nineteen-year-old Boys

2009-07-25T22:02:00.000-07:00

MoriahI have an escalating problem that is starting to concern me: I can’t stop sleeping with nineteen-year-old boys. This was perfectly normal when I was nineteen. It was no problem when I was twenty. And it was still acceptable when I was twenty-one. However, I recently turned twenty-three, and my demographic of choice remains the same. It’s getting to the point where I

An Interview with the Boss

2009-07-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

Jake RisterIn an attempt to get to know my boss, I fired a series of inquiring questions at him, so that I may better get to know my boss. Who are you? Your boss. Where are you from? The same place you are. What is the most unacceptable girl’s name in the English language? Madison. What is the most unacceptable boy’s name? Britton, or Brooks. What is the best way to

Breaking the Ten Commandments with Bill ‘The Kraut’ O’Reilly

2009-07-25T21:38:00.001-07:00

Jake Rister As some of you may know, I have set forth as my task to spread the gospel of my lord and savior, Bill ‘the Kraut’ O’Reilly. I wanted to see how my faith held up against the basic premises of Western morality, the Ten Commandments. But ironically, Bill ‘the Kraut’ himself foiled me at every turn. Commandment One: I am the Lord your GodNot a commandment

Russians Are Not To Be Trusted

2009-07-25T21:38:00.000-07:00

Anastassia The Russians may have fooled most people into thinking that they became civilized when they finally started eating McDonald’s in the early 90’s, but, thanks to David Cronenberg, we should all know better than to trust Eastern Promises. While we all know the paranoid depictions of bears roaming the streets of Kremlin that were relayed to schoolchildren during the

On Marriage

2009-07-25T21:35:00.000-07:00

Jake RisterMarriage is a conspiracy of the Kraut. Now one of the ways I traditionally distinguish myself from my hallowed 19-year-old counterparts is by a general distaste for conspiracy theories. When I was 19, I was displaying many characteristics of a Kraut. We don’t need to go into them all now, but one relevant example is that I wanted deeply to wed my girlfriend at

On World History

2009-07-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

Jake Rister Human history can seem like a daunting topic. I know that when I think back to history class in school I’m overwhelmed: there have been so many peoples, and so many kings, and so many wars, and so many dates (there have just been so many dates in history). But as I am about to share, there is a secret structure to it all that, once understood, reveals the

The Puscifer and the Kraut: a Fable

2009-07-15T00:52:00.000-07:00

Moriah As I sat with my coffee outside of my home, This morning I allowed my kitten to roam. Young Puscifer’s free to do as he pleases, And his antics attracted the usual sleazes. His most ruthless manner and small furry face, Cause hobos and yuppies to stop in their place. They all try lure him as they plot and they covet,