Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Puscifer and the Kraut: a Fable

Moriah

As I sat with my coffee outside of my home,

This morning I allowed my kitten to roam.

Young Puscifer’s free to do as he pleases,

And his antics attracted the usual sleazes.

 

His most ruthless manner and small furry face,

Cause hobos and yuppies to stop in their place.

They all try lure him as they plot and they covet,

‘Til Puscifer and I both tell them to shove it.

 

But today’s passerby was no simple bum,

Though the leer on his face made me want to run,

I could tell by his stride that he prized himself highly,

And I soon recognized the great kraut Bill O’Reilly.

 

Bill watched as the Puss cavorted and grooved,

It was clear that this most filthy kraut disapproved.

I turned up the Wu Tang because I didn’t care,

But Bill opened his mouth his opinions to share.

 

“This cat has no discipline,” said Bill the kraut,

“He wanders all over, and there is no doubt

In my mind that he is a most godless creature,

You’re a terrible parent and an even worse teacher.”

 

“Oh, Bill,” I replied. “I would answer, you see

If only I could take you seriously!

I know you think that your shit is diamond encrusted,

But your nonsense is just simply not to be trusted.”

 

“Are you training your cat to compete and succeed?”

Barked old fatface Bill as I lit up some weed.

“Though marriage is vital I’m sure you’ve not wed,

But lead the life of a drugged, single mother instead.”

 

Said I: “despite all your nonsense this kitten does thrive

Because he has not one parent, but five.

We’re doing quite well, Bill, much to your dismay

Since we’re all polyamorous and a little bit gay.”

 

Before Bill the kraut could mock himself more,

A black furry bullet shot out of the door.

If there’s one thing that urges our Puscifer to kill,

It’s the drivel and stench of a kraut like old Bill.

 

 

Bill’s self-defense was at best mediocre,

And Puss went for his face, just like the Joker.

The sharp, vicious claws slashed both of Bill’s cheeks –

(He won’t be appearing on TV for weeks!)

 

The kraut quickly fled with his hands on his jaws,

As Puscifer calmly did clean off his paws.

Bill O’Reilly was served to the utmost degree,

In this ruthless attack on the worst bourgeoisie.

 

So if you are a douchebag who has not matured,

I have a cat that will make sure you’re cured.

The moral, my friends, is if you are a kraut

The one you belittle may knock you right out.

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